Famous paintings come to life in 3D sculptures of nature’s destructive tendencies.
One of my favorite (NOT!) things about being in a non-traditional relationship is how people need you to know what a good person they are by allowing you to exist even though you disgust them.
"Now I don’t approve, but you can do what you like…"
"You can fuck up your life as much as you want to; it’s not my place to judge."
"Hey! I just met you, and this crazy, but I want you to know that even though I think your relationship is immoral and wrong, you are free to live that disgusting lifestyle!"
It doesn’t matter whether you are gay, bi, in an inter-racial relationship, age-gap relationship or are dating your mantle clock and seeing your second-cousin on the side. Of COURSE it is your life. Of COURSE you are free to live that lifestyle. So why do strangers think that walking down the street with your partner is a free pass to point out the obvious just so they can add a little insult in?
To whom it may concern;
Why is it so important to you that two perfectly happy people know you don’t approve of their relationship? Is randomly letting people to know that while you hate their lifestyle you won’t physically try to pry them apart a kindness in your opinion?
Maybe it is. Maybe you really think that we are so starved for approval that you might as well throw us a bone, but you need to let us know how repulsed you are by us so that we know what a big bone you just threw us. Forgive the people you say these things to if they do not seem grateful, but in many cases this is the sentiment of your words;
" I find your relationship wrong. I think you will be very sorry in the future because of your ways. Despite that, it’s legal and it won’t affect me, so carry on."
The problem with that? We KNOW it’s legal. We KNOW it doesn’t affect you. The only new information we learn from this interaction is that you think we are wrong. If you truly want to do a kindness to someone, don’t start off your statement with the fact that you don’t approve of their kind. It is kinder to say nothing. If you’re feeling edgy, it’s even kinder to say something radical like “How are you?” or “Have a nice day!”
When people who speak to me and my boyfriend randomly blurt out that while they don’t accept our relationship but we seem very happy together and are free to do what we want, I occasionally want to get down on my knees, hold their legs and scream “OH THANK YOU, BENEVOLENT MASTER. WITHOUT YOUR HALF-ASSED PERMISSION, THIS RELATIONSHIP SURELY WOULD HAVE GONE DOWN IN FLAMES.” Or, perhaps a less Tumblrific approach, to ask them why, if we are two consenting adults who are so happy together that you immediately see it, do you not accept our relationship? Does that mean if you were in charge of our lives, you would split us up?
There is so much I want to say. But what do I actually do? I give them the biggest smile I can muster and thank them for the “generosity.” I do that because I am terrified that if I don’t handle myself with the poise of an ambassador, they will assume that “all of them,” are rude, nasty, unappreciative. I fear that if I don’t take their nugget of wisdom with a smile, they will greet anyone who has a relationship they don’t approve of with vitriol instead of mild condescension. For if that is what they think kindness is, how much worse would their words of hate be?
Perhaps I’m blowing things out of proportion, but I am so tired of hearing that I should be grateful simply because I am acting within my rights to love who I love. I know that I’m lucky for not being attacked physically or forbade by law to hold hands in public and for so much more, but is it really that bad to say that constantly reminding me of this hurts? Is it too much to wish that every compliment or word of support about my relationship needs to be preceded by criticism? I am so tired of having to bow down to people who are so judgmental. I am tired of of having to take this with no defense on my part. Partly because of the fact that to defend myself may sour a person to anyone like me, partly because I know that nobody else defends me. What right do I have to?
How can a world be so blind to hate, but so malicious towards love?